it keeps coming back

i find myself reluctant to make this journey, but somehow, it keeps popping up. i find myself reading about it, wondering, thinking...

sit down, shut up, and ask yourself what's true until you know.

that is my guide--my complete guide to spiritual enlightenment...which i'm not really even sure i ever wanted because...well, what the fuck is spiritual enlightenment? however, it does seem fairly obvious that i should be thinking for myself and this seems like a pretty good way of doing it. i mean, seriously, who the fuck cares what joe shmoe thinks? isn't what i think far more important? i'm not joe, am i? so yeah, thank you very much, i think i'll think for myself. here we go...

what is true?

where do i start? according to that dialogue between what's-his-face and what's-his-face (two people i have only an imagination of), it doesn't matter where you start. i have a question for myself (that's weird to think about)...

why do i want to think for myself? i don't want to live in the bullshit reality someone else made up. i want to be free. i want to find out what's out their on my own. how can i know for sure if someone else told me? even if 50 or 10,000,000 people told me, how could i know for sure? i could tell some joe shmoe that i make a million dollars a day painting landscapes, i've got a harem of go-go dancers that fulfill my sexual needs, and that he was going to die in exactly 666 days, but how would he know for sure? i could just as easily tell him i'm a poor chinese cook with a cocaine habit he can't afford and 36 parking tickets (which i also can't afford), but what's the fucking difference? he still can't know for sure. yeah, maybe he's more likely to believe one of those scenarios, but he still won't know for sure.