why doesn't possession exist? because there's no place for it to exist - possession is imaginary.

i don't know what truth is. as a matter of fact, i don't have the slightest fucking idea what truth is. i don't even know what i think truth is. maybe i think truth is just the things that i know. for example, i know that i hate advertising - it's total bullshit. it's simply the process of trying to influence other people to give you their money. it is someone else trying to get you to fund their pleasure. i guess in a way that makes me hate conventional spiritual teachings as well. guys like j. krishnamurti who says he holds no possessions, yet he sits on a multi-million dollar a year empire as president. what a load of shit! what a fucking load of crock! i guess it's the same thing that humans have been doing to each other since...well, since the existence of humans.

i don't even care about my parents anymore. they are stupid. they are unintelligent beings who still buy into the whole, 'there's room at the top,' prison. there is no top, forget about it, it doesn't exist. don't waste your life chasing your own tail.

i've been under the impression that truth doesn't exist for a while now. if truth doesn't exist, then what am i writing? i think the realization that i've come to is that truth doesn't exist within the world of the false self. there's too many inconsistencies. so maybe the truth does exist, but if it does, i haven't tasted it savory flavor yet.

so why am i doing this? why am i preparing to go through this whole process of self-digestion? because i can't not. now that it's been made obvious to me, how can i live in a world of lies and ignorance? nothing makes sense anymore, and i see why now. ignorance isn't bliss; ignorance is torture. the truth is, i'm stuck here until i get off my ass and crawl out. until i wage war on everything i know and believe. until i turn my life into a rocky, bloody, putrid, blackened battleground. i will sink, and then sink some more.